Reading the letters helped me to deal with my own...
Reading the letters helped me to deal with my own emotions, and to remember that if I wanted to be forgiven, I had to forgive

The atmosphere in the Yellow Oval Room remained awkward and tense until Bob Rubin spokeRubin was the one person in the room who best understood what my life had been like for the last four yearsHe had been through an exhaustive investigation of Goldman Sachs that featured one of his partners being hauled away in handcuffs before he was clearedAfter several others had spoken, Rubin said, with characteristic bluntness, Theres no question you screwed upBut we all make mistakes, even big onesIn my opinion, the bigger issue is the disproportion of the media coverage and the hypocrisy of some of your criticsThe atmosphere got better after thatIm grateful that no one quitWe all went back to work

On September 15, I hired Greg Craig, a fine lawyer and old friend of Hillarys and mine from law school, to work with Chuck Ruff, David Kendall, Bruce Lindsay, Cheryl Mills, Lanny Breuer, and Nicole Seligman on my defense teamOn the eighteenth, just as I knew they would, the House Judiciary Committee voted on a straight party-line vote to release the video of my grand jury testimony to the public

A few days later, Hillary and I hosted our annual breakfast for religious leaders at the White omega usa HouseWe usually discussed shared public concernsThis time I asked for their prayers during my personal travail:

I have been on quite a journey these last few weeks to get to the end of this, to the rock-bottom truth of where I am and where we all areI agree with those who have said that in my first statement after I testified, I was not contrite enoughI dont think there is a fancy way to say that I have sinned

I said that I was sorry for all who had been hurtmy family, friends, staff, cabinet, and Monica Lewinsky and her family; that I had asked for their forgiveness; and that I would pursue counseling from pastors and others to find, with Gods help, a willingness to give the very forgiveness I seek, a renunciation of the pride and the anger which cloud judgment, lead people to excuse and compare and to blame and complainI also said I would mount a vigorous defense in response to the charges against me and would intensify my efforts to do my job in the hope that with a broken spirit and a still strong heart I can be used for greater good

I had asked three pastors to counsel me at least once a month for an indefinite period: Phil Wogaman, our minister at Foundry Methodist Church; my friend Tony Campolo; and Gordon MacDonald, a minister and author of several books I had read on living ones faithThey chanel white purse would more than fulfill their commitment, usually coming to the White House together, sometimes separatelyWe would pray, read scripture, and discuss some things I had never really talked about beforeThe Reverend Bill Hybels from Chicago also continued to come to the White House regularly, to ask searching questions designed to check my spiritual healthEven though they were often tough on me, the pastors took me past the politics into soul-searching and the power of Gods love

Hillary and I also began a serious counseling program, one day a week for about a yearFor the first time in my life, I actually talked openly about feelings, experiences, and opinions about life, love, and the nature of relationshipsI didnt like everything I learned about myself or my past, and it pained me to face the fact that my childhood and the life Id led since growing up had made some things difficult for me that seemed to come more naturally to other people

I also came to understand that when I was exhausted, angry, or feeling isolated and alone, I was more vulnerable to making selfish and self-destructive personal mistakes about which I would later be ashamedThe current controversy was the latest casualty of my lifelong effort to lead parallel lives, to wall off my anger and grief and get on with my outer life, which I vuitton gold bag loved and lived wellDuring the government shutdowns I was engaged in two titanic struggles: a public one with Congress over the future of our country, and a private one to hold the old demons at bayI had won the public fight and lost the private one

In so doing, I had hurt more than my family and my administrationIt was also damaging to the presidency and the American peopleNo matter how much pressure I was under, I should have been stronger and behaved better

There was no excuse for what I did, but trying to come to grips with why I did it gave me at least a chance to finally unify my parallel lives

In the long counseling sessions and our conversations about them afterward, Hillary and I also got to know each other again, beyond the work and ideas we shared and the child we adoredI had always loved her very much, but not always very wellI was grateful that she was brave enough to participate in the counselingWe were still each others best friend, and I hoped we could save our marriage

Meanwhile, I was still sleeping on a couch, this one in the small living room that adjoined our bedroomI slept on that old couch for two months or moreI got a lot of reading, thinking, and work done, and the couch was pretty comfortable, but I hoped I wouldnt be on it forever

As the Republicans intensified their cheap chanel purses criticism of me, my supporters started to stand upOn September 11, eight hundred Irish-Americans gathered on the South Lawn as Brian ODwyer presented me with an award named after his late father, Paul, for my role in the Irish peace processBrians remarks and the crowds response to them left no doubt about why they were really there

A few days later, Vclav Havel came to Washington for a state visit, telling the press I was his great friendAs the press continued to ask questions about impeachment, resignation, and whether I had lost my moral authority to lead, Havel said America had many different faces: I love most of these facesThere are some I dont understandI dont like to speak about things which I dont understand

Five days after that I went to New York for the opening session of the UN General Assembly, to deliver a speech on the worlds shared obligations to fight terrorists: to give them no support, sanctuary, or financial assistance; to bring pressure on states that do; to step up extradition and prosecutions; to sign the global anti-terror conventions and strengthen and enforce the ones designed to protect us against biological and chemical weapons; to control the manufacture and export of explosives; to raise international standards for airport security; and to combat the conditions that breed necklace chanel terro